musings on getting older

life

I remember freaking out on October 25 last year.  I was no longer going to be 25.  It was a huge deal for me.  I wasn't ready yet.  I felt old and unaccomplished.  I had no college degree, no family, not even a boyfriend.  So far behind. Someone had hit the reset button when I didn't ask them to.

My brother told me not to worry, that for half the year I could say “I'm almost 25.” And it was true, I was closer to 25 than to 27.  Just on the other side of 25.  

Very soon I felt the love and appreciation that a family brings.  And it really does help that the older sister still has problems turning a year older.  I guess those feelings are universal.  Quarter life crisis anyone?

But I'm just not feeling that kind of anxiety this year.  I feel more in control.  The difference?  I've accepted that hitting the reset button is something I did myself, not something that was done to me.  I chose this.  And now because I've accepted the control, I'm managing my own future.  

I have a big picture.  A master plan. And it adjusts and moves and changes almost every week.  Which I'm ok with.  It's how I survive. The main goal stays the same, the route flexes and changes with the tide.

This past year has been hard.  I've been ready to throw up my hands and call the whole thing off.  But it's also been wonderful.

I've taken to evaluating the last year and making plans for the new year.  Like New Year's.  Except on my birthday. It always made more sense to me.  This year has been no exception. I looking back at specific situations and know that if I had to, I would do them differently.  This doesn't bring sadness or regret, we do the best we can with the information we have at the time.  And I always try to make sure that I'm satisfied with the choices I make.  Before I make them.  The margin of error goes down that way.

And besides, why stand around moping at the past when the whole future is in front of you?  The whole world is out there, ready for you to conquer it! Go and take it for your own!

 At first the prospect of having the whole world at your fingertips is exhilarating.  But it quickly becomes daunting.  World domination is scary! Even with a plan.  But you know what helps?

IMG_0006

Birthday boots. 

So look out world, I'm out to get you.

M

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