i belong to you?

commitment, marriage, possession, relationship, relationships, wedding ring

I had a discussion with someone recently who felt the wedding ring is a reminder that you're married and that you belong to someone. 

me: “So the ring is about possession? I belong to you?”

him: “Yeah. You belong to me. I belong to you. We're married.”

Um, excuse me?

I'll go ahead and give him the benefit of the doubt and believe he just said it wrong.  I mean, we were two sheets to the wind at the time. And thinking otherwise leaves me feeling baffled and… angry.

I understand the sentiment and point he was trying to make.  There is a certain romantisism about 'belonging' to someone, about going somewhere together and people seeing and knowing you're with the other person.  But for me it's more about the body language and the way you treat each other that shows 'together'.  More about the hand holding and smiles and tenderness between two people in love.  Not some outward and bling-y exclamation of 'til-death-do-us-part coupledom.

Not at any point in a healthy relationship is the commitment about possession.  You don't possess me.  I'm not yours.  I don't own you.  I'm mine and you are yours.  That's what makes this work. Possession breeds jealousy, envy, and resentment. Not tenderness, caring, and respect.

A ring is the physical symbol of the emotional commitment you share with the other person.  More about “I want to share my life with you.  Will you share yours with me?” Less about “You complete me.”

I would say, if you need a ring to 'remind' you that you're committed, you might want to examine your level of commitment.  Because there are bigger issues at play.

Believe me, I'm pro-wedding ring.  I look forward to the day I get to wear one again.  But I am NOT pro-possession.  I only belong to me.

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