single

you called the wrong sister Girlfriend

family, funny, Good Eats, humor, life, relationships, single, sister

 

So here's the deal. I'm completely able to entertain myself.  Which is why I don't have a large circle of friends.  Many acquaintances, but only a few that are close friends.

So when I get off work at 3 in the afternoon, I head my tukus home and park it for 6 more hours until bedtime.  Not that I'm opposed to going out for drinks, or putting myself in a position to meet someone interesting, or otherwise spend money I really don't have, I just don't have a high tolerance for small you-just-wasted-an-hour-of-my-life-that-I'll-never-get-back chit chat. 

You follow?

So, last night I'm transitioning from my park-it spot in the comfy chair to the other park-it spot in front of the computer.  To catch up on social networking, blogging, and otherwise time wasting.  Because the game just came on and I follow it better when it's the secondary draw instead of the primary draw of my attention.  Whatever whatever.

I pull up HelloGiggles because they have incredibly giggly articles about, well, funny things.  That are girly.  And I relate to them. I hear the sports announcer make some reference to Dirk Noringski at the same I see a tweet from DearExGirlfriend regarding the very same Dallas Mavericks player.  I giggle.  I reply to said fellow blogger.  He replies back.  I laugh out loud.  

I'm so glad I moved to the computer. Plus, because of the perfume samples I yanked out of a magazine, it smells good over here.  Like, really good.

My phone rings.  Which it never does.  And I'm so glad I changed my ringtone to the Dropkick Muprhys.  Totally awesome move on my part.  I pick up my phone, rock out for a few seconds, and then answer it before it goes to voicemail.  And because there are children playing outside my window and they are starting to stare.  I'm sure they think I'm seizing.

It's my sister.  She's looking for the recipe for No-Bake Cookies.  Because her daughter has a craving and she can't find her copy.   I'm racking my bank of baking memories (they are many) to see if I even have the recipe.  I don't recall having made them in… more than 10 years.  And never by myself. My response to her inquiry?

You called the wrong sister Girlfriend.  And then I bust up laughing.

Get it?  Because I'm her sister.  And our other sister is the one who makes (or made them) all the time.  And I've never made them.  And we're sisters.  

Ok.  Moving on.

I'm thinking at some point I got the recipe from mom because it's just one of those ones that you should have.  So I double check my stash and TaDa! I have it.  

Woot!

And then that quickly, I've done inventory of my minimal baking supplies and I decide I have everything I need and dogwongchong I'm gonna make me some No-Bake Cookies too!  

Woot woot!

And then I continue to laugh with my sister uncontrollably for… 4 minutes.  Seriously.  Laughing.  Like the holding-my-side-because-it-hurts and if-I-snort-one-more-time-I'm-gonna-fall-on-the-ground kind of laughing.  And I can't even remember what we were talking about.

Then she asked me how much sugar I had eaten.  And was there someone else there making me laugh?  The answers were none and nope.  And while I'm trying to calm down enough to read her the recipe, and we keep busting up in laughter, her husband finds her copy of the recipe.  So she doesn't need it from me anymore.  Which makes the whole situation completely funny again on a totally different level that I can't even begin to explain to you.

You see, she called at the exact time I needed her to.  

Why?  Because I have a corny sense of humor and have a knack for completely terrible jokes.  And the work day was rough.  I had some pent up really bad humor!  

Even after we hung up the phone I continued to laugh.  For a long time.  The whole thing was so completely random and un-funny that the hilarity of the situation increased.

Kinda like the time I emailed the same sister information about a new guy in my life. Except that I emailed the information to my 20-something male co-worker in NY instead.  Yeah.  Funny.

See?  Who needs to go out to the bar and be in awkward chit chat conversation with random dudes when I can stay home and laugh at myself all night?  

Because if I don't go out and put myself in those awkward situations I'll never meet a guy who thinks I'm as stupidly funny and I do.  And that's just a non-negotiable.

ps – I totally made No-Bake Cookies.  But I didn't have all the ingredients.  But the butter was already melted so I ran, well walked, to the store and got some milk.  And they totally rocked.

the first time in 9 years

dreams, life, plans, relationships, single

Holding hands

source

It dawned on me last week, I'm the most single I've been in… 9 years.  This realization made me stop and think for a second.  Y'know, before the panic of eternal singledom took over.  A quick review and process of my feelings on the subject of being unattached and I realized I was perfectly fine and at peace with the present situation.  Whew.

I remember the last time I was this single.  It was my freshman year at college and I was enjoying the company of a nice enough boy, both of us knowing we would go our separate ways for the summer and that whatever attachment there was between us would not last.  And I was totally ok with it.

Where did that girl go?  I have a good idea, and I'm well on my way to tracking her down.  

It's been awhile, a long while, since there hasn't been someone else to focus on.  Someone to give affection to, or plan with, someone else's feelings to take into account.  It's liberating to just do whatever you want and not think about what he's gonna think or how he's gonna take it. 

I no longer take my phone into the bathroom while I shower so I don't miss a text or call. Which I may or may not have done.  More than once.  

I no longer fix my schedule around his.

I no longer sleep with my phone in the hopes of getting a text in the middle of the night. Only to be disappointed in the morning. 

I no longer check the weather all over the US and Canada to see what it's like where he is.

I no longer check the job listings in places we've been talking about building a life together.   

I no longer need someone else's opinion before I make a choice.

I manage my own money, plan my own vacations, have my own friends.  I manage my own social calendar.  Or lack thereof.

I eat ice cream for breakfast if I want to and watch girlie movies every night.  

I run at my own pace and sometimes I skip it altogether.

And yes, I get loney sometimes, it's the companionship I crave. And I hope at some point in the future I will meet someone who makes my heart flutter and wants to make plans with me, but I'm pretty damn good in the mean time.

It's about time I remember what it's like to be just me.  And with all the plans being made and dreams being realized, who has time for a boy?  I sure don't.

plan a or plan b?

baby, college, dreams, education, gender roles, life, marriage, plan, relationships, single, tradition

Plan b

source

I realized a while ago that I can't live my life while having regrets about the past.  From exes to decisions about work and school.  Everything is connected and if I am unsettled about one aspect, the others suffer too.

Plan A – College was more about going to find someone to marry and have pretty babies with.  If I got an education in the mean time it was a bonus.  I don't think this perspective was something that was taught to us as impressionable young women on purpose.  But I know a whole generation of women my age who have a similar view on how life is supposed to work.

Plan B – Being the provider was always secondary. “Go to college so you can learn a skill so that if something happens to your husband and he's not able to provide for you and your children then you can do it.”  Always secondary.

I have no issues with traditional gender roles.  The system works beautifully for a ton of people.  On the other hand, it's not something that should be planned on. 

College was more about getting married and starting a family, the thought of supporting myself and living as a single person was definitely Plan B.  Never something I thought I would actually have to do. Though I remember the specific moment when I realized that if I had to live with Plan B for the rest of my life, it was better than what I was currently living.

For a while I was on track with Plan A. I was clicking along at a good pace and then the rug came out from underneath.  I felt as thought someone had come along and hit the reset button without warning me.  Heaven forbid they ask permission to do such a thing.  It took me a while before realizing that no one hit the reset button, I did. 

And now, while things are not as I planned when I was 16, I don't have regrets about the way things have gone for me.  I may be disappointed that certain events didn't turn out differently, but no regrets. And for some reason, disappointment and regret don't quite feel like the same thing.

It's be a while since I felt like Plan A was something I would be able to plan on.  But I've fought to keep it, probably harder than I should have.  And because Plan B was the secondary plan, I never gave it the attention it needed and deserved.  

Only in the last few months have I accepted that Plan A is supposed to be Plan B.  Because I can't really plan on someone sweeping in and sweeping me off my feet and having a hundred pretty babies.  First of all, it's not realistic.  Second, no guy really wants that.  Not like that.

I've experienced a mental shift that makes Plan B the new Plan A.  And now I'm off to conquer  the world by myself.  Because I can't settle for someone doing it for me.  And why would I want them to?