Spring has arrived in Utah.  Finally.  How do I know?  We have a current forecast for rain 7 out of the next 10 days.   And we had some crazy wind yesterday.  So windy that a dust cloud came across the west desert and into the valley. 

Makes me glad that I don't respiratory problems, or that I'm old, and that I'm a bum and put on pajamas as soon as I walked through the door at 6:00.  Yeah, I'm that person.

The other way I know it's finally spring is the daffodils are starting to bloom.  Last week they were just green shoots.  This week they have little yellow heads on them.  I love when the daffodils bloom, it means the tulips are on their way. The bright variety of colors is the perfect way to change from dreary gray everything to blue sky, golden sun, green leaves, and beautiful shade. I'm so ready for some sunny weather.

With spring always comes a new perspective.  A fresh outlook.  New positivity to carry me from the white and chill, through the rain and wind, and to the sunshine of summer. There are certain points during the year that I look back at the last 6-12 months to remember, mourn, forgive and forget, and move the hell on.  Learn from the mistakes and move it forward.  In review, there seem to be the same recurring things I wish I was doing a bit better.  I'm thinking that this spring is the perfect time to clean them up and purge them out.  Folks, I'm moving on.

I have a notebook that I carry with me most days.  Since I'm an over thinker it helps to write down the things that are bothering me so at a more appropriate time I can return to them and sort them out.  There are pages and pages of scribbles.  I don't tear out the pages when they are full or when I've solved the issue.  I just turn to a clean page. This gives me the opportunity to flip back through and review them.

I like this for a couple reason.  1. The variety of colors makes me happy.  It's that simple. 2. Patterns emerge and it helps me to see the triggers. 3. It's a timeline of the happenings in my life.  More so than this blog.

One of the more noticeable patterns is fear.  

What am I afraid of?  Failure. The unknown. Being alone. Uncertainty.

Now, being alone I can solve for.  Being afraid of the unknown and uncertainty is irrational.  I can dismiss those two as mood issues.

But who defines failure? And how do I talk to that person to find out if I'm on a non-failure route?

There are moments in my life that I've looked failure in the face, thrown him the bird, and stepped on him to get to where I want to go.  There are moments that I'm strong enough to climb out of the darkness of failure and find the sunshine of success.

Wow, that was totally corny.

The point is, fear of failure is also irrational.  We define our own failure.  Of course, society has their opinion of what failure looks like and they will be the first to point out that you've reached it.  When you take your courage and define failure for yourself, in the process you also define your own success.  

And why am I so focused on failing anyway?  I should be focused on what success looks like.  Stop worrying about what I don't want and worry more about what I do want.  The list is waaay shorter. So while plans for the rest of the year are in motion, the wheels are turning, projects are in progress, and I'm in motion, I'm also focusing on what success looks like for me.

Not only has spring sprung, but hope has sprung too. And that is a good place to be.

Cheers.

M