the list that haunts me

accomplishment, life, list making, lists, motivation, progression, self worth

Last year around my birthday I created a list of 27 things to do before I turned 28. Now that I'm 28, I've reflected on the progress of completing the list and I have to admit, the progress can only be classified as pathetic.

List making

But you know what? I'm really just fine with that.

My life was quite different when I compiled the list.  My frame of mind, my goals, my self worth… much different. And now? I don't really care about the list.  

Know why? Because I thought that if I had completed everything on the list, I would have accomplished a good thing. That I would have had something to show for my time. That I would have proved some sort of worth. But in the time between then and now, I've discovered a new me, a new purpose, a new drive, and I'm ok with not completing those things this year. 

If I were to create that list again, a list of 28 things to do before I turn 29, it would look incredibly different. And I'm good with that. Because what is life for if not for progression? The goals are still all things I want to do, but I no longer feel the urgency to do them.

Of course I'm still a list person and I probably always will be. It seems to be one personality trait that compensates for another not so good personality trait. So we're talking about the lesser of two evils here, and if the lesser of the two is that I carry around a notebook in my purse, have 5 different lists on my phone, and still have a separate monthly to do list, then so be it.  It helps me get crap done people.

But that I no longer find my worth in completing those lists, that is a big step. A huge step in self acceptance, awareness, and forgivness. Because I don't need a list of completed tasks to tell someone I'm worth something. I can just say it out loud.

what inspires you?

Beyonce, inspiration, inspirations, Mindy Kahling, motivation

I ran across a video on Beyonce's website while browsing Mindy Kahling's blog.

See, Mindy is a funny lady. She's Kelly from The Office. And she writes some of those episodes on The Office. She also wrote a book.  I've been catching exerpts of it online and it's definitely been added to my must read list.

But Beyonce? I already knew she was amazing. The kind of role model the world needs more of. But now?  Completely blown away. The more I learn about her and experience her music, the more I'm in awe of her. 

Check out the video on her website. It's about 20 minutes long so grab a fresh coffee or juice and sit for a minute. And be prepared for the desire to move mountains when it's over.

My favorite part starts at 4:25:

“Sometimes we are satisfied with what people tell us we're supposed to be satisfied with, and, I'm just not going for it.”

I'm inspired.

What inspires you?

since last week

changes, dachshund, lazy, life, motivation, photography, salt lake city, spring, tired


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The last picture I took of Ellie before dropping her off at her new temporary home. I snuggled her a lot.  I surely do miss her.

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This week involved lots of down time on the couch.  just.plain.tired. These 3 days off work will certainly be nice for me.

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Saw a few really nice sunrises through dirty car windows this week.  Spring always improves my outlook.  I feel more hope, more energy, more motivation.  February and March are hard months for me.  I'm glad it's almost May.

I'm off work today, hooray!  I'll be busy crossing lots of past due items off my list so I can get going on the new list which continues to grow.  Included in that list?  Cleaning out and organizing pictures, some mending, a blog makeover (maybe?), finish my book, and some fun picture taking.  Including a run in there somewhere.

I'm determined to feel good about myself on Sunday evening instead of wondering why I even bother taking a day off if I'm not gonna do anything with it.  Time to get my butt in gear and be productive.

Changes underfoot.  And I like it.

Cheers!