the first time in 9 years

dreams, life, plans, relationships, single

Holding hands


It dawned on me last week, I'm the most single I've been in… 9 years.  This realization made me stop and think for a second.  Y'know, before the panic of eternal singledom took over.  A quick review and process of my feelings on the subject of being unattached and I realized I was perfectly fine and at peace with the present situation.  Whew.

I remember the last time I was this single.  It was my freshman year at college and I was enjoying the company of a nice enough boy, both of us knowing we would go our separate ways for the summer and that whatever attachment there was between us would not last.  And I was totally ok with it.

Where did that girl go?  I have a good idea, and I'm well on my way to tracking her down.  

It's been awhile, a long while, since there hasn't been someone else to focus on.  Someone to give affection to, or plan with, someone else's feelings to take into account.  It's liberating to just do whatever you want and not think about what he's gonna think or how he's gonna take it. 

I no longer take my phone into the bathroom while I shower so I don't miss a text or call. Which I may or may not have done.  More than once.  

I no longer fix my schedule around his.

I no longer sleep with my phone in the hopes of getting a text in the middle of the night. Only to be disappointed in the morning. 

I no longer check the weather all over the US and Canada to see what it's like where he is.

I no longer check the job listings in places we've been talking about building a life together.   

I no longer need someone else's opinion before I make a choice.

I manage my own money, plan my own vacations, have my own friends.  I manage my own social calendar.  Or lack thereof.

I eat ice cream for breakfast if I want to and watch girlie movies every night.  

I run at my own pace and sometimes I skip it altogether.

And yes, I get loney sometimes, it's the companionship I crave. And I hope at some point in the future I will meet someone who makes my heart flutter and wants to make plans with me, but I'm pretty damn good in the mean time.

It's about time I remember what it's like to be just me.  And with all the plans being made and dreams being realized, who has time for a boy?  I sure don't.

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