the baubles of it all

life, relationships

There comes a time in every girl's life when she looks around and sees remnants of old relationships. Pictures, trinkets on the dresser, and certain articles of clothing (or non-clothing) come under the chopping block.  Among these items are the baubles.  The baubles that are physical representation of the humor, sincerity, and love of the relationship.  Which is all kinds of ironic that the manifestations of the relationship have lasted longer than the relationship itself. Maybe more attention should have been paid to the relationship instead of the baubles that go along with it.

But I digress. 

I'm not one of those girls who's in to the jewelry.  I'm just not.  Honestly, I'd rather go on vacation than get a cocktail ring, necklace, bracelet, or earrings with genuine gemstones surrounded in gold, platinum, or silver. 

There are only two pieces I require.  The first is one significant ring to be presented in a special way when the time is right.  And even then, I don't need a bauble to rival those of reality stars and celebrities. I'd do just fine with a $12 band from Target. 

Because this time around picking a ring is different.  Of course every girl wants something that will sparkle and endure the hard times of being in a committed relationship.  But I find myself more focused on the committed relationship than the metal that wraps my finger.  The relationship becomes more about avoiding the oatmeal love rut, how we spend the pennies, how I feel without that person, and how we flex to meet in the middle.  And so much less about the part the rest of the world sees.

With that said, no girl would turn down a cushion-cut-set-in-platinum sparkler.  And this girl would pass out if she was presented one that sparkled like the sun.

In the past 5 months or so I've severely cleared out the junk in my life, both physical and emotional.  Even so, this weekend I've padded around my apartment thinking about my future and realizing I still have too much stuff.  The vast majority of it is physical stuff.  Which is easily tossed, sold, and redistributed to those who want and need it.  

There is one remnant of a past relationship that has been hiding in the sock drawer for 2+ years.  And I'm still not sure what to do with it.  Though I am now able to hold it without feeling resentment, anger, disappointment, or sadness.  I now appreciate it for it's beauty instead of what it represented at one time in my life.  

I even put it on.  

And just as the relationship it represented is not one I would pick again, I would not pick the ring either. I realized yesterday, while admiring the way the ring sparkled, that I was not feeling the resentment that usually accompanied holding the ring.  What's the significance of this?  Now that I've let the relationship go and moved on, it is now time to let the ring go and move on.  It is time to stop hiding it in the sock drawer.  

I've always been at peace with the choice I made to take control of my happiness, but there has been the residual sadness of the broken relationship and the resentment of 6 years lost.  I think that being able to make peace with the original choice of entering the relationship has been harder.  Chalk it up to being 18 and thinking that love and perseverance is all you need to make it in the world and jumping in headfirst.

Which would be the reason I now think too much and am a bit too logical.

So while this significant bauble sits on my dresser for the next few weeks I'll be deciding exactly how to clear it out of my life.  Because it's totally time to move on.  And I'll be clearing out the residual trinkets and more excess stuff.  Because I just have waaay too much of it.

The second piece of jewelry I require in my life?  A string of pearls after the birth of our first baby.  Because every mother needs pearls.



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