How many of you have seen Tim Burton's version of Alice in Wonderland?  A few of you.  How many of you thought it was strangely unnerving?  Yeah, me too.

But there's this part when Alice and the Mad Hatter are running from the bandersnatch that I really like.  He's leaving her behind and she's mad at him for leaving her. And he says she's not the real Alice.

And she gets mad because it's her dream, how can she not be the real Alice when she's Alice?

He says to her “You used to be much more… muchier.  You've lost your muchness.

My muchness?”

Yes. In there.”  As he points to her chest. 

And it makes me think, have I lost my muchness?  Am I less… muchier?!  

And what the blankety blank does that even mean?!?  I can't explain to you what 'muchness' is.  It must mean something different to everyone.  

Like the part in The Holiday where Kate Winslet's character says something like, I'm supposed to be the leading lady of my own life.  So in my calculations, leading ladies have… muchness.  Right?  Right.

So where is this all going?  Nowhere.  I'm rambling again.  What can I say, it happens.

I take it back.  I do have something to tie this all together.  At least, I hope it works.

In the last few days a friend has been talking about how it's really too bad how girls grow up and get married and become mothers and lose themselves.  Lose their identities.  

And really, it happens a lot here.  And I think this is why… in the dominant culture of the region girls are raised to get married and have babies to find fulfillment.  Serve your god and your family and you'll find happiness.  

Which is good.  It's fine.  Perfectly wonderful things to do.  I'm not criticizing the theory behind it.

I'm just saying, I'm not buying what they're selling.  Not entirely. 

I mean, I want to be a mom.  It's all I ever wanted.  I want to have myself a couple little hoodlums.  And I'm certain there is plenty of blissful satisfaction in raising happy, healthy, well-adjusted children.  

But just because I have kids one day doesn't mean I stop being who I am.  Or wanting the things that I want.  Or doing the things that I do.  Life doesn't stop because I get pregnant.  

Or even when I find a special someone.  I still need to be who I am even if/when I'm integrating my life with someone else's.  If I don't stay true to me, how can I be the best partner to him?  Or the best mother to them? 

So this all means… don't lose the sass. The muchness. It's most likely what everyone fell in love with in the beginning.



3 thoughts on “muchness

  1. I think motherhood adds to yourself just like any other job. I have become more me through being a mom. Sure there are other things I want to do, but I think that is true of anyone doing anything. There are more things to do and be than there is time for. we pick and choose our priorities. God also helps me be more me.

  2. Do you think your mother needs an identity? Just wondering who you think I am that I don't know about… Raising children isn't always blissful. It can be very challenging and frustrating and call for a lot of pondering, digging deep for strength, calling for help from others and from God and from Spouse. Nevertheless, it's a great occupation to learn a lot about oneself. Actually, anything anyone does should teach about who one really is. For me, motherhood opened the door to discovering me. Everyone doesn't go through the same door, but everyone should learn about who they are. And it takes a WHOLE LIFETIME, no matter what door you go throuh.

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